People in love make me want to vomit
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
