??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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