dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize