I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
