you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
