my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
