Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
