my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Sorry about my life...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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