you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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