Can Purell be used as lube?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
