Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
