i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
