You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So vagazzling was a success
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
