dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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