I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
