You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
