I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
