I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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