Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
