That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
