Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You were trust falling into bushes
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
