he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
