My cat gives me a boner
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
