Where did you get a picture of my penis
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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