We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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