tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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