if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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