Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
