i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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