it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
