his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I wish i was in the wii world.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
