Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
