I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
