I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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