i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
