i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize