do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
