If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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