It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
foreskin is a definite game changer
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
