Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
