Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
