Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
