Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
