He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
