I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Terrible idea I love it
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
