I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I have surprise drugs for everyone
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I will pee on everything he values.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
