I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
