Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
