some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
