she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
