i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
is that a dick in a sweater?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize