Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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