They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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