Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
