mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I touched a dick in church today
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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