I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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