i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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