she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
they need to just BURY HIM!
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
