Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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