Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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