there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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