forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
