next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
