I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize