is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
we should paint friendship bongs
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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