I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
