Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
